This epiphany is brought to you by sex worker’s rights

July 1, 2008

I love epiphanies and I hate them. Well, not the epiphanies specifically, but sometimes the feelings that accompany them. I love them because they offer a sudden moment of understanding, a moment of clarity. However, those moments are usually followed by something like, “Well, damn, was I ever off the mark about …” A comment that Amber left with several links gave me exactly those two feelings. For those of you who decide not to follow the link to her comment, it was in reply to a mention of Robert Jensen, author of Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity. Amber and some other women aren’t so happy with Robert, and for good reason. I’m not writing this to talk about him, though. I’m writing this because I’ve made a mistake and I want to acknowledge it so others don’t have to make the same error.

First, I’ve been on the fence about sex work, including prostitution, pornography, and stripping for as long as I can remember. I’ve supported the women who’ve been involved, but largely thought these professions were problematic and supported the patriarchy. My reasoning was that these professions are there because they rely on the objectification of women. So, even if women were willing to do the work, it didn’t matter: They were harming other women by encouraging the objectification of women. How, you ask? Well, objectification is essential for violence against women. Seeing a woman as an object and not a person facilitates violence against them.

Now I’m thinking: Seriously? That’s fucked up.

I can understand if someone wants to argue that objectification is a problem when it comes to serious issues like violence against women. I get that. There are two problems with what I was pushing, though. First, violence against women is a problem perpetuated by men. Asserting that women’s behaviour, profession, and so on contributes to this problem is WAY too close to victim blaming for me to be comfortable saying that anymore. Oh right, because it is victim blaming, and I’m pretty damn embarrassed that I was saying that shit.

The second problem? Well, I don’t know how many of you have noticed, but I’m male, which means I’m part of a dominant group that’s been responsible for the oppression of women for thousands of years. In other words, who am I (or any other man) to tell women what they should or should not be doing? If I want to be a feminist and support women, silencing them and telling them what they’re doing is supporting the patriarchy is pretty damn close to the last thing I should be doing. That goes for Robert and any other men who see that as a good idea, too. Those ideas have held me captivated for far too long, and I think it’s time other men realise the harm they’re doing, as well.

Just so it’s out there, though, I’m completely aware that sometimes women do this kind of work because they lack other options or see it as the only available option. Don’t think I support that in any way. That’s why I think it’s important to help those women by providing them with resources they need and give them choice.

I’m sorry for the damage I’ve done by pushing these arguments for as long as I have. I am learning, though, and again, I hope this serves as a learning opportunity for other men. As I’ve said before, I will screw up, for whatever reasons, be it that I’m in a privileged person, that I’m human, or whatever. I’m open to new ideas, though, and I’m willing to challenge whatever biases I have.

On that note, though, I want to publicly thank Amber for bringing this (now obvious) issue to my attention. I think my realisation was probably bound to happen eventually, but the sooner, the better. If you haven’t checked out her blog, you should, and put it in your RSS feed while you’re at it. She’s become one of my favourite bloggers to read and she seems to have the patience to put up with my bullshit! (I’ve posted anti-porn links in the past and she was quick to inform me how harmful those arguments can be to women.)

Anyway, I’ve come to an understanding on what is still a contentious issue in the feminist community: I am most definitely pro-prostitution, pro-porn, pro-sex work; and that brings me one step closer to being pro-woman.

25 Comments | Privilege, Sex Work, Sexuality | Permalink
Posted by Derek

Feminist ≠ Queer: On the Perceived Relation Between Sexuality and Feminism

May 11, 2008

I was asked Friday if I was gay. This hasn’t been the first time I’ve been asked, of course, and it certainly won’t be last. I’m sure none of you are surprised. From what little you can gather about me, you know, at the very least, that I’m male and I blog. Not only do I blog, though; I blog about feminism. Caring about women’s equality just reeks of homosexuality, doesn’t it?

Now don’t misunderstand me. I really have no problem in having my sexuality questioned. In fact, it’s sometimes nice when the topic comes up (at least in a certain manner, Friday not being one of those). Coming from some people, I realise they understand just as I do that heterosexuality isn’t normal, just normative. So really, I have no problem with it. When coming from certain people, though, usually people who intend to harm, humiliate, or otherwise discomfort the person being asked (and those who quietly assume a person’s sexuality go here, too), that questioning of one’s sexuality is worth examining.

Now, it isn’t my intention to appear self-absorbed here, but I know myself and I think I make an adequate case study, so I’m just going to go ahead and use myself as an example here. I am very much unconventional, as many of you might have guessed. Sure, I present myself very clearly as gendered when it comes to appearance, but my behaviour, I feel, challenges (and sometimes defies) boundaries. Very quickly, here’s a list of things that irk the more conventional: I’m an active feminist, feminist blogger, vegan, women’s studies major. As such, I challenge forms of oppression, I challenge norms. I work in gendered spaces (offices, teaching positions). I also enjoy doing traditionally feminine things, such as cooking and baking. Now, almost every time I meet a new person and have a meaningful conversation with them, my sexuality eventually comes up as a topic for discussion. Maybe you disagree, but I think it’s quite clear: Something is up.

Keep reading to smash Patriarchy!

9 Comments | Right-Wing Ignorance, Sexuality, feminism | Permalink
Posted by Derek

Harry Ainlay Hates Vaginas

May 8, 2008

I’m a bit behind the ball on this one, but a local Edmonton high school, Harry Ainlay, took action against a production of the Vagina Monologues that student Bonnie Ings was directing. I spoke with Bonnie and she gave me some insight into what happened.

Apparently, the assistant principals of the school decided not to let the play go on, as the principal, “Mrs. Smith,” was away. Despite the concerns of the staff, it was Smith who eventually decided to let the play go on that evening, on the condition that only those who were 18 or older could see it unless permission was granted by a parent.

Bonnie writes,

It is my belief that the cancellation of the play was directly related to the title and a lack of understanding of the play’s message of female empowerment. The issues in the Vagina Monolgues of rape, physical abuse, genital mutiliation and orgasmic pleasure scared the administration. There were other plays in Harry Ainlay’s One Act festival that dealt with mature subjects such as incest, rape, and murder which in my belief are at least on par with the issues in the Vagina Monologues.

The backlash against the Vagina Monologues is nothing new, of course, and I could come up with possible reasons for some time. A misunderstanding could certainly be the culprit, although that might be giving those responsible for the cancellation too much credit. Anyone who wants to understand the play can take a brief moment to look into it and find out. What I find is likely is that those opposed to the play (and there are many) may be directly opposed to the messages within the play. What? Women have their own sexuality as well? We should address issues like violence against women and rape rather than remaining silent? Unfathomable, I know.

Anyway, I want to say props to Bonnie for putting on the play in the first place. I don’t think it’s inappropriate for a high school audience at all, but I don’t know anyone I went to high school with who considered directing it, or who even really knew what it was.

2 Comments | Right-Wing Ignorance, Sexuality, Violence Against Women, feminism | Permalink
Posted by Derek

When Morality and Education Collide

May 7, 2008

A Straight Regional School Board member, Frank Machnic, wants to put an end to two school sexual health programs by denying the Antigonish Women’s Resource Centre access to district schools.

The article on CBC News quotes Machnic:

“Addictions or sexual orientation or human sexuality are sensitive issues. We’re not talking about algebra and chemistry here. We’re talking about things that have moral connotations.”

Original, right? Students shouldn’t be learning about sex because then they’ll want to have it, and we all know premarital sex is immoral. And one of the programs Machnic wants to cut? The Healthy Relationships for Youth program. Yup, nothing’s going to make those students hornier than a lesson on healthy relationships. I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if the AWRC taught acceptance no matter one’s sexuality. The world just might implode.

Thanks to Michelle for the heads up.

2 Comments | Sexuality | Permalink
Posted by Derek

The Battle Between Oral Sex, Food, and Female and Male Sexuality

April 18, 2008

Some time ago, I wrote about Steak and a Blowjob Day. Well, I’m a bit behind the ball on this one, but there is now a (WARNING: LINK IS NOT WORK SAFE) Cake and Cunnilingus Day. Scheduled a month behind Steak and a Blowjob Day, those who knew about it would have celebrated it April 14.

According to the site, Cake and Cunnilingus Day “is about celebrating female pleasure.” Now, that’s something I can certainly get behind.

Valentine’s Day is for lovers, no matter what their gender. It’s about emotion, about committment, about relationships.

Cake and Cunnilingus Day is a little more carnally obsessed. Forget the roses! This day puts the focus on women, their sexuality… and their tastebuds!

Now, some of you may be wondering how I could possibly support a day like Cake and Cunnilingus Day, yet condemn Steak and a Blowjob Day. The reason is, quite simply, women’s sexuality is often ignored, and this day challenges that. Furthermore, as I stated earlier, every day is a man’s day. I say what’s wrong with something like this? (Ignoring the pornography aspect of the site, but that’s a topic for another post.) Of course this day is treated as a joke (as is Steak and a Blowjob Day, to a certain, but certainly lesser extent), but it will be a great day indeed when people come to understand the absurd idea that women actually have sexual desires. Shocking, isn’t it?

If you’re a woman but you missed this holiday, hell, celebrate it late anyway! Just remember: Be safe, everyone!

On that note, here’s a bit of fun, courtesy of Monty Python:

Thanks to Michelle for the heads up.

1 Comment | Sexuality | Permalink
Posted by Derek

There Aren’t Many Movies That I Look Forward to Seeing…

November 20, 2007

But this is one of them.

Feministing beat me to posting about it, but I thought I’d post about this anyway! I’m curious to see exactly how the movie plays out. It’s quite obviously a satire of the vagina-fear in our culture, but perhaps more? I have to look in to it more. Or, since I’ve got numerous papers to write, I’ll probably skip that part and just see it.

1 Comment | Movies, Sexuality | Permalink
Posted by Derek