Doing Feminism

I’ve been quiet for a long time. I haven’t written anything thought-provoking since the end of August, maybe early September, but that’s pushing it. I have some valid reasons for it, like the fact that I’m stressed, that I’ve weaved in and out of depression for the past few months, or that I’ve convinced myself I’m too damn busy. These are all factors, of course, but I wouldn’t say they’re the reasons.

I feel I got tired of challenging people on their shit.

I’ve become tired of engaging the ignorant and the uninformed. I’ve become tired of being the subject of other people’s anger. People don’t want to have their own shit shoved in their face for them to smell it, and they get angry when someone does it. That, I can understand. I don’t think it’s right for them to get upset about things they’ve said and done, but I can understand it.

This revelation came to me after engaging several people from my hometown on their own fat hate. The matter in question was a photo which I won’t post here, and the comments that followed. Too many bad experiences under my belt, I gave them a link to Fat Hate Bingo and left it at that.

I returned to the image today to see that a few others had stood up where I chose not to. What I saw gave me the courage to add some more of my thoughts, then some more, and then more after that. I was shaking with both anger at what was being said and the excitement of challenging others. For a slight taste:

Hey derek i appreciate the input but hey next time keep it to yourself…

As I engage them to check their privilege:

So it’s a privilege to eat yourself into oblivion?

Being a smoker and a drinker, I am constantly reminded of the harm I choose to inflict upon my own body by other people, sometimes politely, and other times abrasively and rude. Don’t forget about shaming. I can’t even count the numerous amounts of time people have tried to shame me in public for smoking and drinking. But it’s my privilege, right Derek?

And that’s all I’m willing to add here. Gawd, I was saying shit like that back in high school. What does this have to do with ANYTHING? Right, it’s always about you.

Tangent aside, I was reminded today of the importance of challenging the desire to remain silent. It’s easy, it’s painless. Speaking up is hard, and we’re bound to compromise relationships, infuriate the willfully ignorant, and quite possibly face violence, be it physical or not. I’m not sure where else to go with this, so I’ll end with a very important reminder:

I didn’t come to feminism to make friends.

I started a piece several months ago about my role in feminism, but I never got around to finishing it. Now, it’s sitting along with half a dozen or so other drafts, waiting to be finished, although now it probably never will be.

I used to think of myself as a feminist, but, as some of you will know, recently decided to identify as pro-feminist instead, to meet the wishes of women who want to keep that word to themselves. Now I think it’s important that women have that to themselves, and it was slightly arrogant of myself to identify as feminist in the first place, IMO.

With that said, though, I’m struggling. Identity has always been something that’s important to me, and I don’t know if “pro-feminist” quite cuts it. I don’t mind being outside of a box at all, so to speak, but it’s a bit hard to deal with it when that box needs fixing from the inside.

Am I saying feminism is broken? Not exactly. I’m sure some (a lot?) would argue that it’s a work-in-progress, that it’s a theory and practice that is constantly shifting to meet the needs of our time. I don’t know if I’m one of those people.

Let me say that I don’t feel entirely comfortable saying this because I’m male. A man shouldn’t be responsible for transforming feminism to meet the needs of people who’s needs aren’t being met by feminism. This is why I’m struggling with feminism. It needs work, and as much as I want to work on it, I can’t.

I’m beginning to work on and educate myself about WoC issues and trying to take a more intersectional (that is, taking matters like race, ability, and class into account) approach to things. Sure, I had before to some extent, but it isn’t worth crediting.

To put what’s going on in my head simply, I don’t think feminism is doing enough beyond aiding White women. I’m tired of race being mostly ignored by feminism, or worse, getting a slight nod and then disappearing in the shadows of White women’s reproductive rights or some sort. At the demonstration this weekend against the Life Chain, there was one Woman of Colour. One. That tells me something is up, be it a fault of my own or the larger problem that WoC are mostly ignored by feminism.

I’ve been taking a leadership role within the feminist community in Edmonton as of late, pushing its current values and goals, but I don’t know how much longer I can do it. A man taking a leadership role in feminist activism is problematic enough, but the feminist framework just doesn’t seem to cut it for me any longer. We do need feminism, yes, but feminism and feminists need work, IMO, and I can’t be the one changing it.

To sum this rant up, I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated with a lot of things, and feminism is a big one. Maybe I shouldn’t publish this at all, but I’m going to anyway. These are my thoughts - take them or leave them. I can’t change who I am. I’m not telling women and feminists what they need to do; I’m simply laying out the problems I have with feminism right now. And hell, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe feminists have got their act together more than I know.

There is one thing I do know: I’m trying to clean up my act and start taking other factors into account. I just don’t know if I can do that with feminism any longer, or if I need a broader framework. I don’t have much more to say on this.

Go easy on the comments. These were my free flowing thoughts, not a logically thought-out essay.